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Belcher brings bonanza

Harry Leggs
Northern News Services

Yellowknife (Mar 29/04) - Recent Nunavut Arctic College graduate Taki Tikitakitooki is revolutionizing the diet industry worldwide.

A chance Internet contact with Dr. Ole Factori, a famous smell therapist in Spain, has resulted in Taki producing a diet pill called Seal'n not Feel'n Meal'n.

NNSL Photo

BEFORE (left) and AFTER (right). The results of the treatment are truly remarkable. In addition to weight loss, height also increases, as these photos of a participant in the program at the Sanikiluaq Oil of Ole clinic shows.

Ladies in Sanikiluaq are extracting seal oil from chunks of seal fat and pouring them into gelatin capsules that sell for $15 U.S. per dozen. Because seals have been classified as circus pets by the American Dept. of Enormous Development, the product is exportable to the USA.

Dieters squeeze the capsule between their teeth 15 minutes before a meal. The pungent oil coats the mouth and leeches into the stomach for two hours.

Appetite stops immediately and food becomes repulsive. Minor side effects include irritability, social ostracism, depression, feelings of self-destruction, flatulism, vomiting and a persistent nagging desire to swim in cold water and bask in the sun.

Severe treatment involved rubbing the oil into your hands and wiping it into your scalp. Extreme cases of obesity are reversed immediately.

"It's like a punch in the stomach," recounted one participant.

The product, due to be marketed in Europe under the name "Oil of Ole Factori," will commence on April Fool's Day, 2004.